Source: The Conversation – France – By Julia Milner, Professeure de leadership, EDHEC Business School
Our love stories speak volumes about habit building and the quirks that become part of our daily routines… and vice versa!
By this, I’m not talking about being passionate about certain habits. But when you enjoy doing something, you are more likely to make it part of your daily routine.
In my latest research, I took a dive into the world of romance by looking at how, throughout the four stages of a love affair, we can become “routine lovers”.
The dating phase: Patterns over potential
We all probably remember the first stage of getting to know someone. Sometimes we
say fairly early on, “Okay, this is not for me,” but often at the start of the dating game we see potential. The other person puts on their best front, maybe via an online profile with wonderful attributes, stating how organised and reliable they are. Yet, when you meet for the date, they are always 20 minutes late and keep you waiting. You might say to yourself, “Ah, I am sure one day they’ll live up to their potential,” yet it’s wiser to focus on patterns that emerge and their day-to-day. What you see is what you get.
You might buy yourself an expensive gym membership, as this habit would give your well-being a huge boost. However, as more pressing matters and unexpected events arise in everyday life, going to the gym takes a backseat; so a home workout program might actually be a better fit, as it would allow you to deal with life’s curveballs, such as a sick child or a work project that ends up being more time-consuming than initially planned, etc.
The early relationship phase: Invest yet don’t sacrifice
So, you entered the relationship and made sacrifices to make it work. Yet according to relationship research, too much sacrifice is not a good thing. First of all, most partners aren’t even aware that the other person has made sacrifices and second of all, even if they do notice, they might have mixed feelings about it, like guilt. In other words, effort and investment are good for relationships, whereas big sacrifices often backfire.
The same applies to our habits. Invest in that work project, put the graft in, but don’t work all hours on a continuous basis and sacrifice your health and other parts of your life. The sacrifices you make aren’t even likely to register with your chain of command, work colleagues or clients. Balance is key.
The ‘in between’ phase: Drama, baby
To keep relationships exciting, some drama can bear fruit. We are not talking about huge fights here, but keeping it interesting and changing some approaches, like trying a new place to eat out or taking up a new hobby. Consistency is great for building habits but adding some new adventures to the mix can benefit them too. How can you tweak your routine? Maybe find a workout buddy or take a different route to work, for instance.
The breakup: Letting go
Sometimes it doesn’t work out and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean the other person is evil; it might just mean that you weren’t compatible or shared the same values, and that it’s better to let go instead of letting it drag on.
Be honest with yourself when it comes to your habits. Some habits might have worked in the past, but you may have outgrown them. Now it’s time to make way for something new, without having a guilty conscience.
Note to self
This Valentine’s make sure you invest in the most important relationship and the longest one you will ever have. The one with yourself. Habits are part of the building blocks of that relationship. Through our daily habits, we design our lifestyle, so be sure to choose wisely at work and at play, invest well and know when the time is right to start something new. Happy Valentine’s day everyone!
A weekly e-mail in English featuring expertise from scholars and researchers. It provides an introduction to the diversity of research coming out of the continent and considers some of the key issues facing European countries. Get the newsletter!
Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d’une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n’ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.
– ref. Valentine’s Day: What’s love got to do with habit-building? – https://theconversation.com/valentines-day-whats-love-got-to-do-with-habit-building-275593